well done you 3 for keeping me entertained with your blogs in a rather dull airport yesterday! yes i'm back from 'merica, and i've now been awake for 24 hours so this may get even more delusional than usual. planes suck for sleeping on. oh yeah, that hoebag richard branson's plane sucks! on the way out i watched 3 nifty-ass films, and i was all entertained, then on the way back all the films were shite. instead of mass movie viewing i ended up watching outnumbered. twice. but it is good so it's all fine and dandy. oh and i read a fair amount of johnny cash's autobiography, which is peng as. he's oh so clever and talks alot about his spirituality, and all his experiences with the supernatural. interesting stuff.

i learnt how to hypnotise myself too, it's really good but last time i did it i woke up off the side of the bed and i couldn't breathe, so i'm giving up that hobby for a while.

nap time, i'll write more later

a song

moose moose, in the nature reserve

getting shot at like they say it deserves

silly americans and their silly guns

with their pregnant daughters and obese sons



sweet home alabama or so they say

down there they love to bash the gay

kavi better not go there, he'd just get mirked

but that's if he didn't just blow them up first



so back to the song i mentioned above

some of their band members died in a story i love

they were on this plane going on tour

then the engines blew up and it hit the floor


so like half the members died and the plane was debris

but 3 days before they had relelased this cd: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/bf/StreetSurvivorsFlames.jpg

oh how i lol at the ironic cover

but now i've digressed from those american mother(s)




in the us they hunt anything that moves

eg deer, fowl, moose and jews

but i don't get why they hunt the meese

like their tolerance to muslims, i think it should cease

meese aren't like deer cos they barely move

maybe theyre hunted so the rednecks can prove

that theyre so much more manlier than the rest of the nation

or maybe they just want to let out frustration



that they can't shoot an animal it's difficult to kill

so instead they resort to this low level skill

of hunting an animal that their country loves

despite its antlers being shaped like oven gloves



apparently there people give dead animals as presents to their spouses

in the form you see where people hang their skulls and shit in houses

see a deer's antlers look way more cool

than a moose's as a general rule


cos theyre all pointy and therefore can hurt you more

but wouldnt you feel threatened as you walked through the door

of a house where dead stuff was everywhere?

a deer skull here, a bearskin there


i'd feel like i'd be about to be shot

by those crazy rednecks who just haven't got

a clue which other 'race' they should attack or blame

beacause to americans us 'foreigners' are exactly the same



i'll stop now because it's late and im tired of trying to rhyme everything i want to write :D

quack.

arghh when's this frickin' tennis game going to finish? not that i have anything better to do. it's 22:23 and murray and 'the other guy' are still playing. i like how we have the most blatant advantage ever, having it in our gaff and all, yet nobody complains. it's like having the world cup in our country every year. this umpire's (?) telling the crowd to 'quieten down'. what a dick, these people have waited in line most of the day, i think they should do what they want. maybe a mass singalong. i'd start that if i went, you know, just a bit of kumbaya to liven up this neverending game.

yes i did write that the other day.

i got this month's q magazine in today, and guess who's on the cover? michael jackson! wahey!!! yeah he looks really scary, then again i guess he was on the verge of death when he did that photo shoot. this long article they have was written like a month ago so they basically discuss how ill he is and how big a comeback it's going to be. and they did one a while back entitled 'why jacko won't be able to do 50 dates', including such quotes as 'it's highly likely his heart will struggle under the pressure' and 'more and more of his fans will be disappointed'. well you know...

huw edwards is so cool, i saw him in green park station the other day, looking all confident like a newsreader should. he's the kind of man you'd have to listen to isn't he? everything he says is undeniable fact. i bet he could really boss his wife about. 'dear, i'm going to conduct a series of affairs with the neighbours ok? please huw you're breaking my heart! never mind, sit back down... ok huw.' i like all this staying up late business, i spend my time flicking between Dave and Gold, watching re-runs of mock the week and little britain. the latter used to really piss me off when 10 year olds would watch it and repeat all the catchphrases. although i probably did that when i first watched it, but i watched it from the 3rd episode on bbc three, so noboody would know what i was on about... WOAH paul rudd's in little britain usa, he's like one of my favourite actors!

do you ever wonder if you're living in an alternate reality? i wonder pretty much every day if i'm in my own version of the truman show, then i realise how dull my life actually is, and that nobody would watch that show. also people would be able to see me wank and that, which isn't entertainment i would make a 24hr programme about. plus i pretty much sit around all day. oh yeah, now im at home all the time, my parents have got all jealous and set me all these gay little tasks to do while theyre at work. some are ok, like 'tidy your room' or 'go to the bank', then theres other shit like 'make dinner'. MAKE DINNER!?!? how fucked up is that? a) anything more advanced than a sandwich is a risk and b) IM NOT A WOMAN! i dont mind doing a bit for myself but for other people?!?! urgh. anyway im off, after that you're either smiling, or slowly losing respect for me. latersss

yes it's 1:30am, and i really should be in bed, but i thought i'd do some quick postage for once. i've got into the habit of staying up to either go out or watch films at night, mainly ones which i v+'d at xmas and haven't bothered to watch. tonight's feature is face/off. john travolta is a cop (excuse the americanism) and he has his face surgically removed, then replaced with that of comatose criminal nicholas cage, so he can go to jail and find out wherre some bomb is from other badguys who believe he's cage. then cage wakes up, breaks into this surgery and has his non-face replaced by john travolta's old face. then they hunt each other down and shit. it's all very confusing, especially from my re-telling, not that it's a plausible anyway. they manage to change their voices to that of the person's face they take, and also the same body, although they don't mention either of these. so if they don't change their bodies, it's rather silly that travolta's wife believes that she's being tapped by him, when she's really with his face and cage's body. silly bitch. it's a decent film anyway, better than mr and mrs smith, but not as good as sweet home alabama or juno, which i've also spent my nights watching. man i'm tired. i can't remember the last time i went to bed before 1. i'm starting to sound like kavi.

so prom was decent, if we went back in time and re-did yr 11 prom i think we'd all agree that this year's was far superior, even if those beverages were ridiculously priced... the music was decent, plus it was a gift that we had any alcohol, rather than being 16. have a look at arctic monkeys new album:

http://www.arcticmonkeys.com/news.php?id=307

looks dull doesn't it? hang on, bbc news 24 has just switched to abc1 news reports. what the fuck?! they're so damn lazy over there! they can't even stay awake to do world news! just some woman in the bbc studio every 10 minutes, reassuring insomniacs that they havent changed channel... and now theyre describing the confederations cup as a 'warm up' to the world cup. no it's not, its a whole fucking year beforehand! how can it be a warm up you silly eternally happy yank newscaster! damn ye. anyway i've probably rambled on and changed topic way to many times, so i'll leave y'all to your sitting around, wondering what to do next =)

blar.

Ahhhh good old blogspot. where we can all share our silly teenage views on world happenings on events from around the globe. joy for all =) i'm thinking i should make me a draft entry based on the death of jade goody, and how pleased i am that the papers can go back to reporting news, or in the Daily Express' case - Diana. Its been 12 years! Get over it! Do you think in 12 years we'll be like 'oh yeah remember that jade girl who popped her clogs like 12 years ago?' 'No, who was that?' 'Remember, that fucking racist slag one?' 'Oh her! yes i remember now!' It'll probably still be in the papers then, especially when her son's use the money to buy crack to force their smack addiction they've had since the age of 13. This is what happens when chavs get their way you know. Damn big brother, although their curséd show has thankfully only managed to inflict just the 1 minor celebrity upon us.



Anyway.... here's a game i like to play called 'pretend i know something about politics'. So.... that gordon brown... what's he playing at eh? he's all like scottish and stuff. we should bring back cromwell. from the grave. or petition outside 10 downing street for a lifelike representation of him to be created via plastic surgery to be made to rule over our country. you know who should rule the country? mr pearson. and yes that was a cheap attempt to make george and kavi respond positively :p.

so right now i'm reading the autobiography of slash (guns n roses/velvet revolver guitarist) which is really really really highly recommended. for some reason i always much prefer to read non-fiction, maybe it's because it's actually real, then again you could argue that the purpose of fiction is to 'experience something outside your own life', like films. i'd still rather read an autobiography than some ridiculous (and blasphemous) story of some annoying boy 'wizard'. it's so obviously just a description of one of rowling's acid trips... silly bitch. am i going to get sued for that? probably not. can you imagine if i wrote that in a proper news article? i'd get fired like a motherfizzer. spanish cw sucks.

Here's why hitler was right all along...

only joking! im bored of this shitty blog. now, me and shakeel got bored the other day and have decided to start a new blog where we review music albums, and occasionally films! wahey i hear you all say... here's the link:

http://sealsperform.blogspot.com/

oh and if anyone else feels the urge to review music, films, anything really, just send it along this way. don't worry, we won't claim it as our own work.... maybe. and, if enough people do it, it might look like a real life blog!

Oh When The Snowman Brings The Snow, Well He Just Might Like To Know, He Put A Great Big Smile On Somebodys Face

Remember kids: It's OK t'eat fish, cos they don't have any feelings!

Oh that Kurt Cobain. Lovely chap before he blew his mind out in a garage. But read his book, he comes across as a total bread and butter. And he left behind a wife and a 2 year old daughter. Must've been pretty desperate if y'arsk me. How do we know if fish have any feelings? Do scientists just jab needles at them and assess their reaction? I'd like to be a fish. T'would be nice. Actually no it wouldn't. I'd rather be a polar bear. Rawr.

Christmas is nearly here. Due to my "geeky" nature and to put it nicely "old school" music taste, i have already uploaded 41 pengaleng xmas songs onto the ol' ipod. I know what you're thinking 'Oh em gees Matt, it's only November! Why are you listening to xmas choonage already, you plumb?' You may also be thinking 'Eurgh, Xmas music! it's crap!' But i shall have you know that t'ain't all that bad. How can one possibly say that 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' is crap? (even if it is sung by Mariah Carey *shudders*) It's quite nang. All the sleigh bells, and merriment, and eternal longing for someone she knows she can't have. Oh christmas...

What about Fairytale of New York? Everyone likes that song, with its 'taboo language' and drunkeness, even if it is kind of parodoxical of what Christmas is all about. BE HAPPY! That means you Kavi! And erm... flame..... its Xmas, the most wonderful time of the year, the hap-happiest season of all! WOOP! I think i'll go and find some tinsel now. BYEEEEEEE.

ghosts and shiz.

i think there is such a thing as an alien. dont you think is semi-irrational to claim that theres no extra-terrestrials at all? i mean, out of the MILLIONS of other planets/moons there must be other life somewhere. id like to meet an alien. until he did experiments on me. i also reckon that theres a parallel universe out there somewhere, i.e. an earth exactly the same as ours, with exactly the same people, and the same events, at exactly the same time. that would be cool.

i'm into this whole paranormal concept at the moment too. i used to be pretty skeptical about it all but now i totally believe in ghosts and all that malarkey. i was at my aunts house in hertfordshire the other week (somehow that makes it seem really posh :s) and my aunt was telling me about this weird incident that had happened a few months back. basically, this house used to be a farmhouse and is built on what used to be apple fields. and in their back room is a big, original period fireplace, which is now disused. anyway, one day my cousin max (who was 3 at the time) just stood and stared at this fireplace for like a minute. when my aunt asked him what he was looking at he said 'that man in the fire' really casually. now obviously there was no actual man in the fireplace, so my aunt asked him where the man was and max explained to her that there was a farmer with a hat and bag of apples in the fireplace looking out at them. by this stage my aunt was pretty freaked out so she asked him why the man was in the fireplace, to which he replied 'he threw himself in the fire because he was really really sad'. a couple of hours later his twin sister kate (who was not in the room the first time) managed to back up the description of the man perfectly, and pointed to the exact same spot, claiming she'd seen him before. now neither of them knew that the area used to be apple field, nor did they know that it was an old farmhouse. they wouldn't understand the concept of death, let alone suicide, and probably didnt know what a fireplace did. strange isnt it? i myself have seen the family cat sitting and staring at that same fireplace for ages.

another family member of mine (who is a hardcore hindu and hence knows all about this spiritualness) explained it all by saying that when people die unhappily, with unfinished business, or a certain attachment, the leave behind part of themselves as a sort of 'electric energy' or ghost to you and me, which can only be picked up by those most sensitive, i.e. young chidren, and that this is a skill which we lose as we get older or more aware. dogs barking/ staring at nothing are common things related to ghosts too. so yeah i believe in all this, i doubt many else will...

Road trippin' with my two favorite allies

Fully loaded we got snacks and supplies

It's time to leave this town, it's time to steal away

Let's go get lost, anywhere in the U.S.A.



-Red Hot Chili Peppers



I want to go on a road trip. come on, lets go. actually it costs money. we have to get to americey, then rent a car. then petrolise. then learn to drive. then be 21 in most states. ok this was a silly idea now. a UK road trip would be boring. it all looks the same. silly england.



unless we hitchike! then we wont have to pay money! but we would be in for some serious rapery. hmmm....

i dont know which 'two allies' i would even road trip with. or if anyone else is even up for this. actually as i know the only people likely to read this are merrett, vaishna, kavi, george and pete, fancy a holiday to america? come on then, off we pop. maybe when im like a millionaire i could pay or it.



Mama i'm a Millionaire but I feel like a bum.

Mama i'm a Millionaire but I feel like the only one.



just remembered im not actually one of those. can you imagine how much pressure you would actually get from your friends if you won the lottery? i've always imagined that i'd give my friends a sizeable amount of cash if ever i did win the lottery, but know i dont think id know where to draw the line. and also people would always want you to buy them food, gig tickets etc. probably. but t'would still be good i guess. probably.

Probably? Yeah, I don't like that word. Kind of what ‘probably’ really means. Yeah, uh-huh. "Your mom probably won't stick her head in the oven" y’know? I'm sorry, but I'm not hanging all my hopes of Rachel and I living together on-on "Probably!" Y’know? You gotta take care of yourselves! In this world history teaches us nothing!

lol.

No-one Can Destroy The Metal, The Metal Will Strike You Down With A Vicious Blow

woah! i took kavis advice and had coffee. lots of it. yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum

kia ora crows!
kia ora crows!
i wonder what those.
little guys knows.

not alot if you ask me cos there all dead they is. dead as a doornail. christmas carol quote. zoop. pukka pad, pukka pad. tis mad tis. sugar puff's honey monsters dead too. he did that shit crimping advert so the boosh sooed his yellow furry ass. and the coco monkey. i bet that gang of gorillas finally got him. ummmmmmmmmmmmm bongo! that was nice twas. i bet tony the tiger got deported back to wherever he came from. maybe i should call my kid(s) tony the tiger.

that's the importance of being idle you know. and you know john pantsil? his real name's john paintsil but the dudeizzle sortin out his form 4 his visa typoed it so know he has to play as john pantsil. pretty odd. forrest gump. wow i should call my kids that instead. forrest wicks. choongity. i read in the metro the other week of some whorebag gave their kid the middle name of 'umbrella' after the song. fuckin idiot. if ur naming ur kid after a song do it right. like ok whats the best song ever? hallelujah. call them that. or go really obscure. like RAPE ME! now thats a name nobody will bloody forget. we have crap names compared to these. so to conclude ill be naming my child 'forrest rape me tony the tiger hallelujah wicks' and y'all can hold me to that. maybe.

people are always like what do you want to be after uni? which is flannell because in reality id LIKE to be an astronaut. id LIKE to be an oil baron. id LIKE to put hallucinogens in miss jordan's tea, then have my english class dress up as 'death' and scare the shit out of her. id LIKE a jaguar. not a car. a real one. id ride it to school i would. just go into the quad on a panthers back then let him come to all my lessons. i would name him jeremy. he would be big and furry and nice :)

The Past Was Yours, But The Future's Mine

So i went to this Leicester Uni joint today. That means THE leicester uni, not 'de montford', who appear to have spent a shitload of money on advertising. To start with, they advertise during Friends on E4. Now Friends rakes in an estimated 1m viewers a day on E4, so that must cost them loads. Then they sent CDs/DVDs ( i didn't open mine, so i don't know which it was) to EVERY person applying to uni this year.

Wow.

Anyway... the uni was all fine and dandy but i couldn't help but think about how much life is going to change. Actually that's a bit cliched. One of my good friends was saying the other month how he can't wait to get to uni. Infact, most of my friends are saying that. But i myself am not as fussed. At the moment i'm even enjoying school. That's probably something to do with me having almost as many free periods as i do lessons, but i'm also alot happier now than i have been for quite a while...

But i guess that's all over soon. We have to make the most of this year, be it going on holiday together, or expressing how much we care about each other alot more - we need to make things change to make things last. Hang on, now im contradicting myself. Blah. I don't know what i want in the the future. But at least i'm sure of all the things i got ;)

If You Knew Your History, Then You Would Know Where You're Coming From

Bob Marley is cool. but we all know that. his music makes me feel all happy and relaxed and dancey. which is weird because relaxed and dancey are opposite kinda. Bob Marley falls into the same category for me as The Beatles or RHCP or Michael Jackson. If you say 'i hate all Michael Jackson songs', then you're either lying or haven't heard much of his work. He's THAT good that everyone has a song of his they like.

Tis annoying when people say 'oh yeah i like Bob Marley because he smokes dope'. although thats part of his image/persona thing its kind of annoying because it diverts attention away from the fact he makes some buff music. i heard somewhere that you can study Bob Marley modules at some university in Jamaica. though i guess that makes sense because he's like god there. and we study god here. even if people perceive all that as codswallop.

talking of codswallop; personal statements. what a load of flannel they are. like when people say stuff like:

'ooh, ive wanted to be a doctor since i was 3'

bollocks. when i was 3 i wanted to be an astronaut. or a sheriff. or a dinosaur. now that would be cool. 'i' wanna transform into a tyrannosaurus rex, and eat up all the bullies and the teachers and their pets'. Nang. Some people might have known all that for years, fair enough, but not EVERYONE. you'd think the examiners would realise.

anyway im off to go and do some facebook snail photo commenting :p byeeeeeeeeeee

"We just believe we're the best band in the world. We're not arrogant, that's just a fact."

Noel Gallagher is a ledge. he has so many great quotes :P. and they're almost always right. and controversial. I was reading this one in Q magazine today:

"I don't give a fuck what spotty little indie bands think about me. My peers are fucking Bono and Chris Martin and Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. I don't give a fuck about what some twat from The Wombats thinks of Oasis, or anyone from the fucking Last Shadow Puppets, y'know? I'm not arsed about any of them. They're so far beneath me it's unbelieveable"

So true! Oasis are a league above. I hope new albums' good. If their new single's anything to go by it should be. Have a butchers:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fguOr7EGK0w

Buff video too init?

ANYWAY... away from oasis...

this new itunes. you click on a song and it brings up a list of songs by that artist you dont have. which is ok, except it's like tis pressuring you to buy them. acutally most people probably dont see it that way. but i do. there is a pretty cool thing on it called 'genius', though. click this little 'genius' icon, and it gives you songs similar to the one you've picked, or ones that go well with it. and it hasnt gone wrong yet. better than the one they used to have, which once suggested to me: you own 'Let It Bleed' by 'Rolling Stones', you may be interested in 'Crazy In Love' by 'Beyonce'.

No thankyou.

Silly, silly machines. I say machines. For all i know apple could have loads of people in China processing every single person's Itunes requests. like when someone clicks their genius thing and they have like 5 people all rushing about finding songs like that. tis like those 20Q things. i bet they have microphones in them, and theres hordes of people listening intently to see if they can pick out what you're trying to make it guess. still that's a better job than sewing primark t-shirts until their fingers are bloody for 4 pence and hour. but hey, that's what they're pay for ;)

These Could Be The Best Days Of Our Lives

Yo. So after advice from one or two amigos i've got one of these blog thingymagiggys (wow that makes me sound really old :s). Anyway, a few of these friends have got blogs recently, all for different purposes. I'm not really sure what this one will be to be honest. Probably just a bit of rambling about nothing. Or whatever pops onto my brainbox :). So, lately ive been getting interested in all this politics malarkey. And by 'getting interested in' i mean watching repeats of Have I Got News For You and Mock The Week :P. Frankie Boyle is a legend. To quote:

"Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a fucking stroke."

True.

In 20 years time people of our generation will be saying 'Oh yeah Mock The Week! Do you remember Frankie Boyle? He was so funny!' And then we'll be like 'Oh he was so politically incorrect! Everything is average nowadays'. But this will be a time when we also say things like 'Remember when people crowded round televisions and watched screens, rather than having images implanted directly into their brains?' T'will be cool. Actually that won't happen in our lifetimes. Think about that 2001: A Space Odyssey film. They thought in 1968 that by the time we reach 2001 we'd all live in space and sleep in hibernation capsules. But we aren't. Infact we're a long way from that. I reckon that in the future all cars will run on tracks, and when you get in you just enter where you want to go on a screen, like a gps, and it takes you there. In people's homes, everything will be touch screen. Everything will be powered by light, and everything will be wireless. And everything is controlled by PDAs. And i think it will take 20 years until every new home has this. But thats probably won't happen will it? We'll either be waroftheworldsed or iamlegended before then. Sigh. And Bye :)